Dismissed.

Over the past two month I've been trying to come to terms with everything that's happened and move forward. It took longer than expected for me to feel ready to write about this. Was it out of embarrassment? Or was I ashamed? Or disappointed in myself? Or disheartened? Or hopeless?

Let's just say it was a little bit of everything.

A year ago I started moving another step closer to reaching my dreams when I started optometry school. The entire year was a challenge from the beginning.  I did my best and gave it by all, but unfortunately it wasn't a challenge I was able to complete.  I should have been getting my white coat this weekend and instead I'm trying to put on a happy face and move forward.

I look in the mirror and I don't recognize the person looking back at me.  As much as I tell myself and hear others tell me I'm more than just my failures it hasn't made a difference.  Being so close to my dreams and not being able to reach them, its hard to see more than that one failure.  It took so long for me to even get a chance and I wasn't able to finish.  Anytime someone has asked, I say that I'm taking a year off now because telling my family and friends the truth makes them look at me differently.  I see the disappointment on their faces.  When I left for school, everyone was so proud of me and so supportive and all I've done is let them down.

This isn't how I imagined things going, but then again things don't always turn out how you want them to.  I want to believe that this happened for a reason and that there is some other plan for me, but it's so much easier said than done.

What's kept me going is the amazing support from my family and friends.  Without them, I'd be completely lost.  As impossible as it seems right now, deep down part of me knows that things will get better and I will get through this.

Here's to a moving forward...